Aug 2011

Waking up from spinal surgery

I was talking about pain this evening with someone and hours later a memory popped into my head that I don’t want to forget. By coincidence, this memory is very close to being exactly 8 years old. Here it is:

My memory of the theatre is only a snapshot, but it is vivid. Upon waking up from my long and quite complicated spinal surgery, I was, despite still being fairly anaesthetized,¬†immediately struck by a pain that was indescribably intense (second only to breaking my back – and even then, only just). I screamed “CUUUUNNNT! THAT IS SO FUCKING SORE!” and at the same time opened my eyes.

My brain wasn’t really keeping up with all the input. There seemed to be about 12 people around me, which was reassuring and made me feel safer, but also highlighted how serious this was. “AARRGGHH – MAKE IT FUCKING STOP!“. A couple of them were holding me down, someone was giving me morphine, a couple of nurses were telling me that everything was fine and that I was alright and the others just seemed to be really busy doing something to help. Then I assume the¬†morphine started to work – my screams faded to shouts and then only words: “FUCK that hurts, fuck, fuck, fuck, oh shit, holy fuck that is sore, oh man… fuck…” and my memory ends.

It was pretty mental.

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